It's all fun and games until someone gets an agent

Ahh sweet sweet linkage (not to be confused with Peter Dinklage, who is also wicked awesome)

2012-02-10T17:10:00.000-08:00

Hello beautiful blog readers!

I don't have much to blog about lately, but I have read some very good things other people have blogged/written about and therefore I am sharing the linkage love.

Not to be confused with Peter Dinklage, who also deserves much love. And appropriately played an irate and neurotic writer in the movie "Elf".

Awww isn't he cute when he's angry?

Here are the links:

Plotting your Novel - The Quick Outline Tool

I don't know who those people are, but I love them and I want to make out with them.

The next item I would like to share comes from Randy Ingermanson's TOTALLY FREE E-zine for writers!

Sign up by going here: Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine

You can enter your e-mail in the fields on the right, and you will get the e-zine free, once per month. On that same link, you can peruse the back issues. I highly recommend signing up, there's something new in every issue and it's only once per month so it doesn't bog down your e-mail inbox.

The article I really wanted to share is below. It's about writing tactics and how to build your skills as a novelist.

Enjoy!

Tactics are the little things, the specific actions you
take to build your skills as a novelist and then to
write your novel.

Let's be clear that those are separate tasks: building
your skills and writing a novel. An analogy might help:


Being a novelist is a lot like being a marathon runner.
Before you can actually RUN a marathon, you need to
first TRAIN for it. Typically, that takes a long time
-- months of training to build the fitness and
endurance to run an entire marathon.

But once you've reached that level, you can run more
marathons with ease.

Of course, you'll continue to train between races, but
now your training will be aimed at helping you run
BETTER, rather than merely helping you FINISH.


In the same way, before you can write a novel, you need
to develop your skills as a fiction writer.

But once you've got the skills to write one novel, you
can write as many as you want with ease.

You'll always be improving your skills, but after
you've written your first novel, you'll be working to
write BETTER, not merely to FINISH.


I've identified five tactics you can use to build your
skills as a novelist to the point where you're ready to
write your first one.

These tactics are simple. In fact, they're "obvious." 
Success in life can be as simple as doing the obvious.
You'd be amazed how many writers ignore all these tactics.
You'd be amazed how fast you improve, once you start
doing all five.

Here they are:


Tactic #1: Write on a consistent schedule.

Writing a novel is a marathon. A sprint here and a dash
there won't get you to the finish line. Writing
consistently for weeks and months WILL get you there.

Decide how many hours per week you can dedicate to
writing. If you're a beginner, this might be only one
or two. I recommend that beginners make it a goal to
get up to five hours per week by the end of the first
year of writing.

Your writing schedule is for WRITING. Not for research
of your story world. Not for studying how to write. Not
for reading magazines about writing. Not for reading
blogs or hanging out on e-mail loops for writers. Not
for going to writing conferences.

All of those are fine things, but they aren't WRITING.

You get better at running by running. You get better at
writing by writing.


Tactic #2: Keep a log of your writing time and word
count.

This sounds too simple (or possibly too anal) for
words. It isn't.

Writing fiction is a JOB, at least for professional
novelists. Someday, you'll be working with a publisher
who has a publication schedule mapped out for two years
in advance. You'll sign a contract with that publisher
to deliver X amount of words on a particular date.

That date is not a fantasy. That date is reality. If
you miss that date, it costs your publisher money. Yes,
they build in some slack in the schedule. No, you don't
ever want to use any of it. Not one minute. Your
publishers will love you if they know they can trust
you to meet your deadlines.

But you can't sign a contract to deliver X words on a
particular date unless you know how fast you can write.
You need to know how many words of output you can
create in each hour of working time.

Good runners know what pace they can run each mile.

Professional writers know what pace they can write.

If you want to be a professional writer someday, then
start acting like one today. 


Tactic #3: Give yourself a weekly quota.

You can't do this until you've done #1 and #2 above. In
order to create a meaningful quota, you have to know
how many hours you can write each week, and you have to
know how many words you can produce each hour. (They
don't have to be GOOD words. Goodness comes later.)

Virtually all the successful writers I know assign
themselves a quota of some sort for creating their
first draft. While some writers use a daily quota and
some use a monthly quota, most of them seem to set a
weekly word count. I recommend weekly.

Your quota will be useless unless you actually meet it.
Assign yourself a penalty for failing to reach your
quota. Find an accountability partner who can check
that you hit your quota and can make you pay the
penalty if you fail.

Important: Make your quota possible. Never miss it.


Tactic #4: Find a critique group or critique buddy.

Most writers believe their work is either unutterably
brilliant or wretchedly awful.

Generally, they're wrong on both counts. All writers
are delusional. That's part of the job description.

There is only one way to know whether your work is any
good or not.

You need somebody else to read your work and tell you.

You need a critique of your work regularly. I recommend
that you get a critique monthly. Find one or more
people with all of these qualities: 
* They understand fiction
* They will be honest 
* They will be kind

If your critiquers lack any of these, then drop them
like a burning porcupine because they're useless to you.


Tactic #5: Constantly study the craft of fiction.

It is not your critiquers' problem to tell you HOW to
write better. Their job is to point out what you're
doing well and what you're doing poorly.

Your job is to find ways to improve your strong points
so they're world-class (your strong points will make
editors say yes someday).

Your job is also to find ways to improve your weak
points so they're at least adequate (your weak points
will make editors say no right now).

Generally, critiquers don't actually know how to teach
you how to improve your craft. They may think they do,
but they usually don't. Skill in critiquing is not the
same as skill in teaching.

You have plenty of sources for teaching you the craft:
* Books
* Magazines and e-zines
* Classes
* Conferences
* Recorded lectures
* Mentors

When you know specifically what you want to improve,
find some source of teaching on that exact topic and
study it. Then apply what you learned to your writing
and get critiqued again to see if you got it. Don't
quit studying until you get it.


That's it. Five tactics that will turn a talented
beginner into a professional writer, if you do them
consistently for the rest of your life.

To summarize, "Write, write, write! Get critiqued.
Study. Repeat forever."

Simple? Yes.

Easy? No.

That's why there are many more talented beginners than
professional writers.

Oh, Randy. You make ME randy ;)

Have a great weekend everyone!

The Four Stages of Competence & Writing

2012-01-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

Today, I am going to incorporate into a blog post something that might actually be useful (yes, really, you're going to learn something! And you're NOT going to be able to reach this blog post by googling something like "porn piss" or "unicorns and doom" like some of you web surfers have managed in the past).

That's right children, we are going to take my bachelors degree in psychology and put it to good use (and it's about damn time!).

I'm probably not the first person to make this connection from psychology to writing. (Okay, okay, I'm DEFINITELY not the first person to make this connection).

In the 1970's, a gentleman named Noel Burch came up with a model of learning that involved four separate stages that one had to pass through in order to learn a skill. And holy cow, was he dead on. If I hadn't endeavored to become a writer, I might not have ever had the opportunity to recognize and experience these levels on such an intimate level, and I'm sure all of you writers out there can appreciate the different stages and recognize which one you are in, or have just moved out of.

Here they are (from the Wikipedia page)

Unconscious Incompetence

The individual does not understand or know how to do something and does not necessarily recognize the deficit. They may deny the usefulness of the skill.

Sound familiar? I know you've all read about how I thought it was just going to be a breeze to write a novel and get published in my what the eff is a meme post. I was sadly disillusioned, but luckily, with the help of critique partners such as the lovely and brilliant Mary Baader Kaley I quickly moved from this stage to the next.

Conscious Incompetence

Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize the deficit, as well as the value of a new skill in addressing the deficit. The making of mistakes can be integral to the learning process at this stage.

Yes! This is a great stage (even though it can majorly suck. I realize I just contradicted myself, and I make no apologies). The realization that, "Hey, I'm not brilliant!" is both humbling and eye opening. And important! Even though you suddenly hit rock bottom (which is brutal from the prior stage of *thinking* you're at the top in terms of competence) remember, the bottom is often the best place to be. The only direction you can move is up.

3. 3. Conscious Competence

The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires concentration. It may be broken down into steps, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill.

Another great, although brutal stage. At this point, you can write well. You know you can write well. And a bonus: You aren't incompetent! You've probably taken some classes, bonded with crit groups or made some crit partners/beta readers, attended a conference or two, or written one (or more) novels. But even so, to create something readable or saleable, you have to work for it.You have to write more than one draft and incorporate some serious editing and revising.

Unconscious Competence

The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it has become "second nature" and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.

Where we want to be. Where we should be striving to be. Forget finding an agent, getting published, making millions, or meeting Ryan Gosling at the movie premiere for my novel and having him fall desperately in love with me (*cough* where on Earth did THAT come from?!).

Focus on this: writing a great story. Because truly great stories are *almost always* written by writers at this level. Of course, there's always the exception. The writer who hits it out of the ballpark on the first - or second - shot, the Babe Ruth's, the Mozart's, the Stephen King's, the truly brilliant. The ones who worked and reworked and reworked AGAIN the story they had to tell. And then there's the rest of us. The ones who have to really work for it. And that's okay, because it's a great ride and a great lesson that you can pass onto your children, friends, family, coworkers, etc. The most challenging things in your life are the same things that are the most satisfying.

I think I am somewhere in between Conscious Incompetence and Conscious Competence.

How about you? What level do you think you're at? Any stories or tips from those who have reached a competent level? Share!

And good luck on your journey :)

Awesomesauce Blog Award! FEATURING: Shopping Carts...IN CAPTIVITY!

2012-01-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in a blog post far far away, Miss Jenny Phresh-Face-McGee over at The Party Pony bestowed this lovely award upon me

Link to original post featuring a picture of yours truly! You know you want to click me...click me baby, NOW! Yeah, oh yeah, right there...

I'm supposed to answer some questions about myself, pass it on, or piss in a hallowed out rutabaga and rub it on my body while eating sausage or some such nonsense, but instead, I would like to pay homage to a little feature on Miss Jenny's blog known as "Shopping Carts in the Wild!"

Here are the links for the original (and hilarious) blog posts:

A la Cart and other Shopping Cart Sightings!

Jenny's Shopping Cart Posts are my most favoritest things on the interwebs. Except for free (non-virusey) porn (e-gads, this whole post is one seething pot of blatant sex talk. I think I've been watching too many "Game of Thrones" episodes).

And so, in honor of the fabulous Jenny Phresh I bring you: SHOPPING CARTS (dot dot dot) IN CAPTIVITY!!!

This brave soul endures piles of heavy files trapped in it's innards!

Two carts stand stock still, lined up in an orderly fashion lest the civil servants whip out their weapons and force them into obedience! The two friends eschew the smaller and therefore weaker cart turned slave which is obliged to stand guard at the mail meter. Courageous cart fearlessly stands alone!


ORGY ROOM! AVERT YOUR EYES!! (and never EVER leave your back turned in this place. Lord only knows what they'll stick in ya!)

Thank you very much to Ms. Jenny Phresh for bestowing upon me the Awesomesauce Blogger Award! And for being such an amazing writer, blogger, and friend :)

(honestly, though, these carts are really all around at my work and pretty much every day I find I can't walk by them without giggling and thinking about shopping carts in the wild. So, yes, I think about The Party Pony every day and if that makes me a creepy stalker it's because...well, I sort of am. If anyone deserves a stalker, it's Jenny! Wait...that sounded really nice in my head, but perhaps it's bad to wish a stalker upon another? Oh well.)

What Can NaNo Do For You?

2011-12-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

I'm back! Sort of. I'm leaving Friday for the New Jersey/Philadelphia area and I will be gone for a week! I'm still debating if I should bring my lap top with me or leave it behind (NooOooOo!!! *sobs* *clutches Blanche to chest desperately*).

Anyways, I was busy the month of November writing a book for NaNoWriMo (it was my first time), which was a thrilling, crazy, lovely, and exasperating experience. The important thing, despite all my bipolar-ness, was that I learned some things during the month and I would like to share them with the rest of you.

Here are the things that NaNo taught me this year.

1. Pre-plotting helps. A LOT! I didn't outline the entire thing, but I knew a few things. Namely: the main character's primary goal, the flaw (see The Goal the Flaw and the Plotting Master of the Universe ), a few of the key plot points, and I had an idea of what I wanted to happen at the end. It was a new experience for me, writing and knowing where I was going. There were still things that came up that surprised me, and there were still a few times I got off track and had to realign myself, but all in all I had less wrong turns than my usual drafting process. I am currently plotting my next novel, and I intend to have even MORE things figured out before I start drafting. Sometime in the near future, I will share with all you lovely people what works/doesn't work for me as far as outlining in the hopes that it will help someone else out there in the blogosphere. In the past, as a fairly novice writer, I had a really hard time working things out before sitting down and drafting. But NaNo helped convince me that outlining DOES make writing easier. And there are still things you learn and experience during the drafting process, so it doesn't take away the creative juice and flow like you might think.

2. I'm not a bad writer. I'm not necessarily a good writer, either, and there were sections of the novel that were so horrific they brought me back to my early days of horrible, painstakingly derivative writing. However, forcing myself to write every day, I noticed something important. My writing style improved as NaNo progressed. I also had a revelation: nothing you write - no matter how bad - is a waste of time. With every page, you are learning something or growing as a writer. The book I wrote for NaNo will probably never see the light of day. But the next book I write will be better because of my NaNo experience.

William Faulkner said, "Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it's the only way you can do anything really good."

3. I CAN find time to write. Even with a full time job, two kids, a somewhat needy husband, Thanksgiving, friends, family, and birthday parties at Chucky Cheese getting in the way. Sure, the laundry piled up and the dishes weren't always getting done, but I still managed to eck out an average of 1667 words per day throughout the month of November. There were a couple days that I barely wrote anything, and then I had to make it up later, but I found a way to do it. I locked myself in my bedroom with explicit instructions to leave me alone. I took a day off work and spent the majority of it writing. I woke up ten minutes earlier than usual every day so I would have extra time to write. And most importantly, I got rid of my internal editor. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. If I didn't, I never would have made the goal.

How was your NaNo experience? Did you win? Did you cry? Did you want to vomit sometimes? Leave me a comment and share! Or stalk me on twitter! (I like that. Probably too much.)

Inspiration for NaNoWriMo

2011-10-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

I know, I haven't been blogging! I've been plotting (your demise MWAHAHAHA!).

Okay, actually I am busy plotting/outlining a re-write that I intend to tackle for NaNoWriMo.

It's my first time. Be gentle.

So, in honor of my goal and eventual lapse into insanity, I bring you one of my favorite inspirational poems to keep you going on those dark November nights when the words start melting in front of your eyes and the vodka bottle is empty (I just don't understand where it all goes!)

Enjoy!

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The Meme Most Hated By Panties Everywhere

2011-09-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

What do you call your panties/underwear/undergarments? Do you have any commonly used nicknames for them?

Gutchies. I honestly don't even know what that means, it's what my mom always called them when I was growing up.

Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?

Hm. I think so. It was promptly repressed. I'm psychologically healthy like that.

What is the worst thing you can think of to make panties out of?

Fungi filled toenails.

If you were a pair of panties, what color would you be, and WHY?

Purple. Because I SAID SO!

Have you ever thrown your panties/underwear at a rock star or other celebrity? If so, which one(s)? If not, which one(s) WOULD you throw your panties/underwear at, given the opportunity?

Question one: No. Question Two: My husband. He's not a rock star, but I honestly wouldn't throw my gutchies at anyone else. He is the one most deserving of my dirty underwear.

You’re out of clean panties. What do you do?

This is a very Keanu Reeves a la "Speed" question.

What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!

I go commando, bitch!

If you could have any message printed on your panties, what would it be?

Look familiar?

How many bloggers does it take to put panties on a goat?

Seven.

Tag Four People and tell them why you are being so cruel to them.

NO! I REFUSE! I think everyone I know has already completed the vile...er, evil panty meme! If you haven't done it yet, please let me know and I will edit this post.